June 2, 2008
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Absence makes the heart forget.
I miss my boyfriend. Not only because he's away in Vegas with a buddy gambling his heart out all week, but because absence makes the heart forget all those annoying little things that drive you nuts (in the bad way) about each other.
We've been on each others nerves lately. For a variety of reasons, some ridiculous, some reasonable. It's part of relationships and what happens when you've been with someone a long time. Something odd has been happening with me lately tho - I am starting to realize that it's actually not all his fault. LOL.
It's dawned on me that I've become so afraid of having a bad relationship, that I'm doing things unconsciously that are actually harming the relationship - because while I'm in "scaredy cat" mode, I am actually cheating our relationship out of a healthy existence. I am sending mixed signals. (I know guys, you can say it: we girls do this all the time, but I fear recently, my mixed messages look more like the Davinci Code than just contradiction...)
BF is a great guy. He's got some issues (who doesn't?) that he probably should address on his own, but generally, he's a solid, incredible guy. He's smart, funny, independent, manly the tradition sense (total fix-it man, can hold his drink, and reaches for the bill when it arrives), but not insensitive, he's good to his parents, he's loyal to his friends, and he's amazingly delicious to look at. He's a total package. Yeah, he has mood swings like a woman sometimes and road rage to the degree he needs therapy, but all in all, he's as close to "a catch" as they come.
And yet, I can still find ways to unconciously sabatoge us. So many of my actions to AVOID causing problems actually do the exact opposite. I'd love to say it's just those innate differences and miscommunications between men and women, but I think I've surpassed even that generalization.
For example: I am so afraid of calling him and "bugging" him while he is on his "boys" week in Vegas than I haven't called him at all. I've realized yesterday that he may now think I'm not even thinking about him since I am not calling, when that isn't the case at all. First I think I'm overanalyzing this type of thing....until I later find out he assumed I didn't really care and an argument insues. Ahhh, the joys of miscommunication and misperception.
I've become insecure in my own skin - even after all these years and enough relationships to know better. And while I know that he could have his moments of insecurity just like me, I still see him as stonger, wiser, more aloof and less scared of losing me, than I am of losing him.
Why is it that some of the best intentions result in the worst misinterpretations? Can we even avoid it? And why am I still afriad to "bug" him to tell him I miss him? Silly silly me.
Comments (5)
Call him NOW! And tell him that you miss him and can't wait to see him! And then leave it at that.
LOL!!! Well, I'm gonna wait an hour or two, because he is probably still sleeping from getting in at 5am from the casinos (like I know he does) but I promise, I will. By the way, that's a GORGEOUS profile picture of you - you look insanely thin - and gorgeous (which of course, we already knew you were....) *mmwwaa!!*
I have a vacation planned and I almost hope that absence can make the heart forget! You are lucky to have found "a catch." I agree that you should let him know how much you miss him. Although, I don't have the best track record with men. I think it helps for them to be needed. They seem to be a lot like women in that perspective! Good luck!
T
I know what you mean. That's how I was in the beginning of our relationship. Hell there are times I still do stuff like that.
We're together all the time, but once in long whiles he'll have something to do with coworkers or see his family for something, and then be gone for what seems like forever to me. I sit there and obsess and not call him because I don't want him to think that I'm hounding him or something. I think about him getting into an accident, or something equally scary and my eyes will well up with tears. It's usually at that moment that he walks in the door. He looks at me, calls me a goof, hugs me and says, "Why don't you call me?!" Yeah I know, cause I'm a woman and I'm an idiot? I dunno, man, I just don't know.
I've become insecure in my own skin - even after all these years and enough relationships to know better. And while I know that he could have his moments of insecurity just like me, I still see him as stonger, wiser, more aloof and less scared of losing me, than I am of losing him.
The crazy thing for me right now...I had a conversation with my pirate last night about this. I've been doing the exact same things. I wonder what it takes to just let go and relax, to breathe easy and not worry about bothering him and just accepting myself for who I am.